Finally... – David. Review

Edit: I finally beat Sin on "okay" difficulty. It took many Red Bulls and four-letter-words before I accomplished the feat, but the deed is done. Now I can delete this game and feel some sort of closure to this traumatic chapter of my life. The "very" difficulty? Yeeaaahh no, not even happening. ------------------------ So, was this game designed by a sadist? Or Satan himself? I kid, but only slightly. My journey began simply, as most do. I naively downloaded the app expecting nothing more than a good time. The levels in the main room were no problem on "okay" difficulty. They were even pretty fun. Dying was only a slightly frustrating setback, as each instance of my demise allowed me to perfect a strategy and implement it to success. Beating the levels on "very" was a little more of a challenge, but my victories at this point each felt incredibly rewarding. Eventually I found the rhythm of deciphering a boss's mannerisms, learning how to maneuver between attacks, and praying to God luck would remain on my side. I was unstoppable. And then... I reached the "Sin" level. A final boss so heinous, so overpowered, so cruel, that it actually might be straight from the pit of hell itself. After dying about 10 times, I considered deleting the app. Was it really worth it? It's only a mobile game, of course. But I decided against it. After all, I had come too far to just throw in the towel. After dying about 30 times, I started to wonder how many other players had broken their iPhones from throwing them against the wall in a fit of rage (I obviously haven't done this yet, but I'm growing close). Still, I pressed on. After dying 50 times, I began to reconsider my life choices. What led me here? At what point did I set eyes on that iPhone in the Best Buy, thinking its catalog of casual action and puzzle games would bring me inner peace? Does a time machine exist that will allow me to return to a simpler time when I wasn't aware of this game's existence and thusly felt compelled to complete it, no matter how much it would raise my blood pressure from the sheer frustration of an unbeatable final level? Yes, I did say unbeatable. Maybe not for other people who love things like whips and chains and ball gags, but certainly for myself, a regular joe with an affinity for casual gaming and the dexterity of a tree. Developer, you win. When you create a final boss with highly erratic movements, homing fire spit, a penchant for bodyslamming you into the wall, and the ability to vomit overzealous, clingy mini-enemies (who also have a penchant for bodyslamming), you are obviously trying to exercise your hatred for mankind in app form, and you have succeeded with flying colors. Why a "very" difficulty even exists for this monstrosity, I will never know. I may eventually beat Sin one day, but sweet fancy Moses, I will not enjoy it. And I certainly won't remember this game fondly. Thanks but no thanks for the inevitable heart attack you moved up from my mid 50's to my late 20's.
Review by KellanM on David..