The Only Cheat Is That Which Is Life's End. – Cheats Hungry Shark Evolution Review

This app gave me brainworms, and the brainworms all had AIDS. It's insipid, and symptomatic of both the epoch-long failure of a nodding god, and the curdled bile that is the filmy spit whistling from the howling void within our empty, vacuum-like souls, that an app entitled "Cheats" would not contain a single, actual cheat (apart from the Daily Bonus cheat, which is almost universal to every game, and with every app ever apped by appists apping). It's like paying to enter a strip club, and not seeing the stretch marks of desperation striped like a wragged tiger upon the sweaty belly of despair--it should be obvious what you're getting upon entry, but somehow it's not. How much emptier is it to be robbed of the joys of emptiness itself? But I digress. And you can't even look at the useless trivia--compiled by whomever it was whose only apparent wealth of knowledge is that the Mayor's name is "Bobby," and that the 15-year-old app developer's mother never loved him--without looking at a video ad, which is like having to sign up for 80's video dating while being administered a rape kit and morning after pill. If you download this app, your parents will stop loving you, and your penis will be eaten by candiru. Candiru with AIDS. You might as well download an app wherein you click on droopy-eyed narwhals penetrating kittens from behind to give orphaned children cancer. It would feel like time far better spent.
Review by DR. SKUZZY on Cheats Hungry Shark Evolution.