I hate JRPGs – DRAGON QUEST V Review

I really dislike JRPGs for the type of game they are, and this game fits the mold perfectly and delivers exactly what I dislike: annoyingly strict linearity, painfully cliche and predictable writing and characters, the silent protagonist projection model, the "collect items to save the world from the evil empire" skeleton-frame plot, the tragic background of the hero and his friends, and, above all, the illusion that 40hours of gameplay isn't made up entirely of walking into "random" encounters on the grid every fifteen steps + mini-game grinding. Seriously, if they took out the grinding this game would probably take about 2 hours from start to finish with time for snacks and bathroom breaks. I purchased this game because of all the praise it receives as one of the best, if not the best, JRPGs of all time, and because it is a very good port. I had been feeling the (irrational and/or insane?) urge to play a classic JRPG reminiscent of final fantasy "2/4" that I played on the SNES many years ago. Because final fantasy "2/4" on the AppStore is a terrifyingly horrible 3D mocking parody of a once beautiful game, I hadn't quite got my fix when I wasted my money on that graphical eyesore. I should have learned my lesson before I purchased this game, but I am not entirely disappointed in and annoyed at my purchase, just bothered by the genre as a whole. DQ5 definitely works fine for iPhone without any noticeable bugs. The translation is fairly high quality for most of the characters, although the main villain seems to have difficulty forming a coherent sentence, which honestly surprised me because the rest of the translation is top notch. It is a decent port for a JRPG, which is why I give it four stars, because it is exactly what it claims to be and there is no freemium model. I took one away because I don't believe the price is justified. But overall, if you like JRPGs, then you will adore this game: it embodies everything a JRPG has ever been, and in comparison to its low-performing counterparts of the genre, it is well-written and designed. I even found myself mildly interested in the story about halfway through, despite my reoccurring grumpiness at the perpetual grind. I, however, could not finish it, but I haven't deleted it yet because I hope that my insanity will return one day and I can put my nose back to the virtual grindstone to see how it ends.
Review by ZooberDude on DRAGON QUEST V.