This app is the cure to all of humanity's problems – Pocket Shrek Review

I had no faith in humanity before I downloaded this life saving app. All the hatefulness in the world was too much for my frail self to bear. I thought all hope was lost. Then I found this app. I could have our ogrelord and savior right on my phone, just a thumbtap away, for free. I was overjoyed. As soon as I opened the app I could smell the onions permeating the room, seeping through the walls, coursing through my veins. I saw Shrek himself laying there, in all his glory, right in his swamp. And in that moment, I was there. I was with my ogrelord. I woke him up tenderly, and I helped him to pass gas, and I watched him let out his mighty roar, and I watched him perform his Swamp Shuffle. And as I spent more and more time with my ogrelord, I realized that Shrek made me feel truly happy. Shrek put joy back into my life. His mighty ogrelord started appearing in my dreams, telling me I was doing good things. And that's when it happened. One of the dreams just felt so real, and when I woke up, he was there. His breath smelled of the most fragrant of onions as he whispered in my ear, "I can bring you to my swamp." I was elated, I could finally leave this disgusting race behind to please and be with my ogrelord and only my ogrelord. But I knew I could do something more noble. Shrek could unite us all. All us brogres under one bright, swampy sun. I told him that I couldn't come with him because I needed to tell more people about his mighty power. He gave a simple nod and flew out my window. Now it is my duty to beseech you to believe in the ogrelord. Give into his oniony love. Bathe in the swamps and sing smash mouth in his honor. Only then will he come to save us all.
Review by Azaleamurphy on Pocket Shrek.