Crappy Turd
| Category | Price | Seller | Device |
|---|---|---|---|
| Games | Free | Justin Malik | iPhone, iPad, iPod |
Don't let Poo touch the toilet paper! Soar through the bathroom and keep it happy.
[How to play]
> Tap the screen to jump
> Avoid the toilet paper
Simple as that!
Good luck!
Reviews
Best Laxative of an App Ever
sweaterguy1
Just past 10 points, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be pretty violent turbulence on the private plane. With each bounce, I have to fight my body, trying not to poop my pants. "Thirty minutes to landing, maybe forty five" I try and tell myself, each jostle a gamble I can't afford to lose. I signal to the flight attendant and she heads toward me. "Excuse me, where is the bathroom, because I don't see a door?" I ask while still devoting considerable energy to fighting off what starts to feel like someone shook a seltzer bottle and shoved it up my butt. She looks at me, bemused, and says, "Well, we don't really have one per se." She continues, "Technically, we have one, but it's really just for emergencies. Don't worry, we're landing shortly anyway." "I'm pretty sure this qualifies as an emergency," I manage to mutter through my grimace. I can see the fear in her face as she points nervously to the back seat. The turbulence outside is matched only by the cyclone that is ravaging my bowels. She points to the back of the plane and says, "There. The toilet is there." For a brief instant, relief passes over my face. She continues, "If you pull away the leather cushion from that seat, it's under there. There's a small privacy screen that pulls up around it, but that's it." At this point, I was committed. She had just lit the dynamite and the mine shaft was set to blow. I turn to look where she is pointing and I get the urge to cry. I do cry, but my face is so tightly clenched it makes no difference. The "toilet" seat is occupied by the CFO, i.e. the most important person on the plane. Up to this point, nobody has observed my struggle or my exchange with the flight attendant. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." That's all I can say as I limp toward her like Quasimodo impersonating a penguin, and begin my explanation. Of course, as soon as my competitors see me talking to the CFO, they all perk up to find out what I'm doing. Given my jovial nature and fun-loving attitude thus far on the roadshow, almost everybody thinks I'm joking. She, however, knows right away that I am anything but and jumps up, moving quickly to where I had been sitting. I now had to remove the seat top – no easy task when you can barely stand upright, are getting tossed around like a hoodrat at a block party, and are fighting against a gastrointestinal Mt. Vesuvius. I manage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. It had obviously never been used, ever. Why this moment of clarity came to me, I do not know. Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality. I imagined some poor Italian carpenter weeping over the violently soiled remains of his once beautiful creation. The lament lasted only a second as I was quickly back to concentrating on the tiny muscle that stood between me and molten hot lava. I reach down and pull up the privacy screens, with only seconds to spare before I erupt. It's an alka-seltzer bomb, nothing but air and liquid spraying out in all directions – a Jackson Pollock masterpiece. The pressure is now reversed. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke, I push so hard to end the relief, the tormented sublime relief. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." My apologies do nothing to drown out the heinous noises that seem to carry on and reverberate throughout the small cabin indefinitely. If that's not bad enough, I have one more major problem. The privacy screen stops right around shoulder level. I am sitting there, a disembodied head, in the back of the plane, on a bucking bronco for a toilet, all while looking my colleagues, competitors, and clients directly in the eyes. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" briefly comes to mind. I literally could reach out with my left hand and rest it on the shoulder of the person adjacent to me. It was virtually impossible for him, or any of the others, and by others I mean high profile business partners and clients, to avert their eyes. They squirm and try not to look, inclined to do their best to carry on and pretend as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, that they weren't sharing a stall with some guy popping his intestines out. Releasing smelly, sweaty, shame at 100 feet per second. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" is all the ashamed disembodied head can say…over and over again. Not that it mattered. So all in all, great app.
Playing this game brings me back!
Wizard31567
Playing this game brings me back! Caution! It was a typical rainy Friday night, stuck in the depths of the local Target with my parents doing their shopping for the week. The night proceeded as usual, being only around thirteen years old I was escorted by my father to the shabby selection of PC games where he stood and “people watched”, clearly bored out of his mind. I eyed the selection of low-grade video games, trying to find the best game for $20. I bit my tongue, staring at a promising package and bent down to pick it up. It hit me like a shopping cart moving at full speed, right in the intestines. I stood, half bent for a few seconds, wincing in pure BM-filled pain. After that, the pain dulled to about half the intensity, I figured it was holdable. This is where my judgement lead to the destruction of my underpants. I finally picked out a game, and was dragged with my father to the sporting goods section, where he wandered about aimlessly. The walk was begining to get to me, the pain slowly began to grow once again, just as it reached its painfull climax, I told my father “We have to go to the bathroom… NOW!” and waddled towards the back of the store where the less used restroom is located. When I arrived, at my own dismay, a grimy piece of paper was taped to the door. “Out of Order”. I decided to grit my teeth and deal with it, since we were almost finished anyhow. I should have just went in. The pain became even greater as we stood in line, the pain from earlier was nothing compared to this. It felt as if my appendix had exploded, and my intestines were slowly being pulled apart by a mysterious force. It seemed to take an eternity, however, I finally sat down in the car, my sweaty and slightly overweight body convulsing with pure poop-pain. My mother tried to give me pep talks as we traveled down the road, saying such things as “Halfway home! You can hold it!” and etc. But, ten minutes away from home it leaked out… All of it. The warm mass pressed against my butt and the soft seat, and clung to the hair on the back of my legs, chunks of digested food squished against my rear as I tried to hide it, but it was inevitable, with the car windows rolled up and the heat on, the smell became obvious in seconds. It seemed to splash with every turn as my mom began to throw a hissy-fit on how it happened, etc. I’ve learned now, if you have to go bad enough, just do it. You will save your underpants. The game is fantastic!
I hate this dumb stupid game
Janae Pentilla
I hate this game DONT get it. This game is just a different version of flappy bird , but this version is TERRIBLE. Here r three reasons why 1.to many adds 2. The spaces between the toilet paper is to skinny for the FAT poop to fit through 3. TO MANY GLITCHES!!!
??PIECE OF CRAP ?????
Soccer06785433334569
????Just like the app is stated in the title it's crappy game , don't get this game. It has way to many ads and you can't even go through the obstacle . ????
crappy bird it is
Lorig75010506
I have 3 reasons well 4 why it's crappy 1.its in the title 2.every time you lose 2 ads pop up 3.Sucky graphics you don't jump like you do in other versions 4.It doesn't have good ratings it is annoying you can't get through the first row 5.I downloaded this because I wanted to see what it was like not that I like it it looks sucky and is sucky!!!
